Friday, February 23, 2007

It's Friday

Well, not a bad week at all and I have until 5:30 to write today! It will be coffee over at Kate's shortly and I won't have to hold my head down since this week's total so far is 7000 +. :-)

Yesterday I was lucky enough to have lunch with a friend, who's an agent. Yes, I am very lucky. We brain stormed over August Rock and the critique I had done on it. Some the items are easily fixed but one item, the part of Toby by 13 yr. old ghost, is a little more problematic if I'm trying for the UK market. It could fly with a ghost but it may limit the market too much yet Toby's chapter's are some of the strongest in the book. How to alter the work keeping Toby's story intact.......two strong possibilities emerged. So while I work away on A Cornish House hopefully the subconscious part of my mind will resolve the Toby problem. By the way she had absolutely no problem with an American heroine.

Reading through fellow racers blogs this week, I noted the A. Writer was willing to put her writing out there for comment early. At a previous coffee we have discussed whether you are a shower or a hider.....most being hiders. Me too but one of the best exercises that I have ever done was prompted by Julie Cohen's, http://www.julie-cohen.com/blog, first page challenge. I posted both the first page for August Rock and the few words that I had written for A Cornish House. The process involved putting in your thoughts about the page and your motivation for the words. I shamefacedly had never looked that closely at my on work. I wrote and edited but never looked at the whys. I let myself off as I am rediscovering my craft after years away from fiction. The best part of the exercise was other people's comments, http://lizfenwick.blogspot.com/2006/11/first-page-challenge.html. In particular for me those of Laura Vivanaco of the blog Teach Me Tonight, http://teachmetonight.blogspot.com/.

So thinking about all of this made me think now 45,000 or so into A Cornish House would it be a good idea to throw the first page out there again and challenge my fellow racers and anyone else to do the same???? Any takers? I was also thinking I would enjoy seeing my fellow racers styles (some are published so there styles are out there so to speak but some of us aren't).

Herewith the first page of A Cornish House:


The car coughed to a halt and lurched as the trailer pushed it further on the dark lane.
“Shit.” Madde thumped the steering wheel.
“What?”
Madde turned to see Serena rubbing her eyes; her blond hair in spiky disarray and the new tattoo on her arm peeking out from her tee-shirt. Double shit thought Madde. They couldn’t be far from where ever the hell Carnew was but now that Serena was awake she could hear her complaints already. She turned the key but no sound emerged from the engine.
“Are we at this God-forsaken place?” Serena stretched.
“Errr, no. The car died.”
“What?”
“The car died.”
“I heard that but where are we?” Serena was now sitting straight.
“Don’t know.”
“Christ.”
“Mind your language.” Madde ran her fingers over the wheel.
“Hah, fine thing to say. I just heard you swearing. What’s wrong with Christ anyway?”
“We’ve been down this road before.”
“No we haven’t.”
“Don’t be pedantic.” Madde rubbed her hands over the back of her neck. She could feel the rigid tendons. “Serena, I’m tired I’ve been driving for hours and arguing isn’t going to help.”
“So?”

I haven't put my comments in the text like last time as I thought you might like to read it first with out my thoughts and then read my thoughts so they don't prejudice your own.

I am trying to set up tension with the setting - dark road-dead car. Also the conflict between Madde and Serena is right there and crucial to the whole of the book. Also that Serena definitely doesn't want to be where she is. I wanted Serena's stroppy voice to come through and Madde's restraint.....I hope all of this shows and makes you want to know more - like why they are there and who they are and who they are to each other???? Well, that's my hope any way. Let's here what you have to say......I think.

13 comments:

liz fenwick said...

Just testing as I am told by a freind they can't post.....horrors!

Bernardine Kennedy said...

Okay... this looks more promising, blogger now seems to recognise me again after several failed attempts!
I was trying to post about your 'little known facts' and mention of Grace Kelly.
The song Grace Kelly by MIKA is No 1 and fabulous. So fabulous i bought his album!
Check him out om myspace.

Am cheesed off with the word count thing failing just as I got ip up on my blog.

Bernardine

B.E. Sanderson said...

Your first page would definitely have me wanting to read more.

I'm taking you up on your challenger, by the way. Mine will be up in a little while.

liz fenwick said...

Bernardine, I'm so glad you managed to post. You say you are not good with the web but I haven't ventured on to myspace. It frightens me but will have to try to find this song alone.

Most of us have switch to progress meter from http://www.evolutionwriters.com/. Its to be found on the left side about half way down. Left me know if you need help. BTW are you going to the Savoy lunch this year?

liz fenwick said...

b.e. thanks. Its a good start if you'd want to read more! I look forward to checking out yours when its up!

JJ said...

Hi Liz

There isn't any danger that I'll be posting my first page (you know why!) but thought I'd drop by and say I will be checking in on progress, and maybe one day, joining in.

Thanks and keep it going...

JJ

liz fenwick said...

JJ take heart. You are low at the moment. Write on and push through when you are ready you'll post the first page. This is my third novel. the first one was absolute crap. The second one August Rock is improving with each rewrite and I am hopeing that A Cornish House is using all that I have learned from the previous two. I have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day and my writing isn't going to come up to scratch in a day, or a week or even a year...and that is not a bad thing - well at least for the reading public who have been saved from book one any way :-)

sheepish said...

Well done you for putting your first page on view,easier for me to lamb 50 ewes than to show my own baby to the world yet!!!! Maybe one day. Keep up the good work.

hesitant scribe said...

Hi Liz - what a challenge! It's an interesting opening and it makes me want to know who these characters are, and what they're up to. Keep going!

Have taken you up on your challenge and my first page will be up shortly!

liz fenwick said...

Thanks sheepish! I could never lamb one ewe let alone 50. You'll show us your first page when ready!

liz fenwick said...

Lisa, thanks for your kind words...I will hop over to your blog now and read your first page:-)

Caroline said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Caroline said...

Random as it is - but I've done this now! I've put the first page of Black Boxes on my website.
(only a few months late ;-0)
x