Wednesday, November 01, 2006

First page Challenge - Book Two

I have been astounded by the feedback on the first page of August Rock. So taking a bit of courage I decided to look at the first draft first page of A Cornish House and do the same exercise. I must state that I have only written two pages as I promised myself I would finish revising August Rock but this exercise had me thinking.........


The car coughed to a halt and lurched as the trailer pushed it further on the dark road. (creates a sense of tension - dark road and dead car)
“Shit.” Maddie hit the steering wheel. (Heroine frustrated and not afraid to express it)
“What?” Maddie turned to see Serena rubbing her eyes. Double shit thought Maddie. They couldn’t be far from where ever the hell ---------- was but now that Serena was awake she could hear her complaints already. She turned the key but no sound emerged form the engine. (conflict already emerging between Madde and Serena which will be crucial through the book)
“Are we at this God-forsaken place?” (Serena doesn't want to be there)
“Errr, no. The car died.”
“What?”
“The car died.”
“I heard that but where are we?”
“Don’t know.”
“Christ.”
“Mind your language.”
“Hah, fine thing to say. I just heard you swearing. What’s wrong with Christ anyway?”
“We’re been down this road before.”
“Oh, no we haven’t.” (Building verbal conflict showing difference in age)

The question is are you curious to know where there are? where they are going? who there are to each to other? I must confess that I have whetted my own appetite to get into the story but August Rock must come first and with things I have been mulling over in my head and the insights on the first page I am counting the hours to get back into my writing routine:)

9 comments:

Jessica Raymond said...

I'd take a guess that these two are sisters. It sounds like a sisterly kind of spat!

The setting of being stranded on the dark road is immediately intriguing. It makes me think:

How long will they be stuck there?
Will the car restart?
Will they have to get out and walk?
How far are they from their destination?
Why don't they want to get there?
What will happen when they do get there?

I like this! :) I should do the same challenge for "Haunted Hearts" but... yep, I'm scared. Scared that mine will be the least interesting of all with no questions whatsoever!

Jess x

liz fenwick said...

Jess, you can't be scared........it's just been published!!! It has to be good. Its on my to buy list at the moment!

Thanks for the comments. They are step mum and step daughter btw but the daughter's atitude is targeted at the sisterly level :)

I will go check your blog now :)

Jessica Raymond said...

Ah yes, "steps" definitely talk that way.

I've decided to post my scene for "HH" either today or at the weekend :)

Jess x

liz fenwick said...

Jess, I think its a great exercise. I will keep checking your blog for it:)

Cheers,

Liz

Julie said...

I thought that they were mother and daughter; there was a childishness in their exchange which is futile and a bit frustrating--they are at odds and they're not going to reconcile any time soon.

liz fenwick said...

Their lack of reconcilation is key to the whole book. They have to get beyond it so they can both reach their goals :) At least that is my thinking at this plotting and two pages written stage!

Thanks,

liz

Laura Vivanco said...

I'm getting a theological vibe from this. We've got a car going off the straight and narrow path/being pushed onto a 'dark road'. And you use language such as 'where ever the hell', 'God-forsaken place', 'the car died', 'Christ'. So does this story involve 'death' (possibly metaphorically) and redemption (again, not necessarily in a Christian sense, but in terms of wrongs being put right/people being reconciled)? Do the characters have to find the right path/road?

Also, you've got one character called Maddie (is she 'mad' as in angry? or is she really the calmer one) and one called Serena who isn't at all serene. Sounds like there might be a deliberate inversion going on there.

liz fenwick said...

Laura, you have hit the nail on the head again. All the themes you have mentioned are planned...even if i didn't see how I had worked them in!!!!!

Thank you for the comments. They are insightful and very helpful and this time at the planning stage:)

Cheers,

Liz

Laura Vivanco said...

I'm glad the comments have been helpful. I had a lot of fun spotting the imagery/themes, so thank you, Liz!