Brain Dead

If you look at the side bar August Rock has rolled past the 100,000 word mark. Rewrite 5 is done. Tomorrow I need to do the edit typo edit my reader has found, print out, rework the synopsis and pop into a Jiffy bag and forget while I move.

August Rock is definitely better for the rewrite. I know it's not a prize winner......yet. When I have some energy again I need to Sol Stein and then do some more breakout work with it. However I have enjoyed the rewriting process. I have seen my work grow to a better level and I will have met my goal under difficult circumstances. That makes me feel better even though my head is pounding and my eyes ache from looking at the 'puter!

As they say you never finish you just stop writing.

Wobble Wobble

Now for once this isn't a writing wobble so in theory I probably shouldn't share it with you but I shall. My best friend is getting married for the first time next week and I am over the moon for her. If anyone deserves happiness she does. It's been a long time in coming. I'm not wobbling about that at all. BUT I am wobbling about the wedding and party itself. I left the States nearly twenty years ago now. Lots of things have changed in those twenty years - I have the most wonderful dh in the world, three fabulous healthy children, I have seen and lived in many exotic places in the world, I have run a voluntary association of over eight thousand volunteers for multi billion dollar company and gone nose to nose with the CEO over family policy, and I have now written three books. All wonderful stuff and I try to hold onto them, I really do.

However then the wobbles takes over big time. Twenty years ago I was beautiful and two and a half stone lighter. Since the scanner is dead I can't give the before and after evidence. Let's put it this way I was good enough to be the second frontispiece in colour for Country Life back in 1991. So now years on I am feeling less than happy about myself. Wednesday I had my hair done which helped and yesterday I ventured into Marks & Spencer to find something that would do........ it was depressing beyond words (although I have thanks to India and Neris's Idiot-Proof Diet I lost ten pounds in three weeks) .

You see some of these people I have snogged in the past and there are few others who may turn up at the party that I might have fancied the pants off of and well I am now fat and forty-four with evidence of it blatantly on view doesn't help! Now all I can hope for is that time hasn't been to kind to them either but then that's not nice..........

I do remember the day is not about me and I know my friend will shine like the sun in her happiness and I will hopefully forget how I feel and just think about her but until then I will wobble like jelly.........


Now back on to writerly things.........yesterday I finished Any Way You Want Me by our own Novel Racer Lucy Diamond! I had to finish it. I have been savouring it at the end of each day but when at the hair dressers I read a huge chunk - wonderful. On the tube to M & S I nearly missed my stop so when I came home I thought sod the revision I need to know how this ends. Lucy, damn you - you made me cry. What a great read. It's irreverent, fun, sassy and compelling. Thanks :-)

So I didn't revise yesterday. I had a mental break which is probably not a bad thing as my head is spinning with more and more ideas of how to kick August Rock into shape. Today I should make some more progress although I will be printing out the 30,000 words I have thus far reworked to see if it makes sense. Plot improvement is the aim of this rewrite. My days in Budapest were spent being tourist in the morning then studying over Donald Maass's book Writing the Breakout Novel and making notes. Little bells were ringing continuously as I read. I now have written enough to understand what he meant. I know that sounds a funny comment, but just as with Sol Stein and over writing I don't think I had written enough fiction in a long time to understand what DM was throwing at me.

So back to the SS rewrite. I was pleased with my rewriting results. The script read better and was stronger but I was terrified to send it to Lucie again in case it wasn't good enough. I didn't want to blow my one chance to be read again if it hadn't worked. I ran into Lucie at the Romantic Novelist Association Winter Party and said as much to her in person. I told her I was thinking about sending it off to Hilary Johnson's Advisory Service (again which I heard about through the RNA). Lucie said a client of hers' used them and Hilary was good so go ahead. Next step that sent me on that route was a comment in the RNA magazine Romance Matters by a best selling author which said something along the lines that many writings don't invest enough in there work at the start. Writers need help along the way. That sold me. I took the money my parents had sent for Christmas and topped it up with my dh's pressie and sent August Rock off and tried to forget about it over the holidays - hah!

Early in January the script came back and I wasn't told to put it in the bin. The reader didn't pull any punches. So she wrote:

You write very fluently and pleasantly. (thank you SS, that part of the rewrite worked)................

She goes on to describe the difference between a plot based novel and a character driven one:

Although a lot of things happen in the course of the August Rock I'd actually put it in the second category (character driven), because the main events of the book are so clearly signalled in advance that there isn't that much suspense as to how things will eventually turn out. To a certain extent this is a failing in the story. (This is clearly a major difficulty with my writing but I have been taking heart from reading the Cruise/Mayer Workshop that Jennifer writes this way first then fixes it - so all may not yet be lost for me!)

Your dialogue is good and I'd like to see more of it. Aim for a balance of sixty/forty dialogue to narrative. (working on that as I rewrite now).

She goes through each major character and tells me the highs and the lows and where I fail particularly at my secondary characters......

In conclusion she says:

You write well. August Rock is a pleasant and literate read with no loose ends and a collection of characters who make amiable companions. But - and I'm afraid it's a big 'but' - I felt that the book didn't make enough demands on me. I liked the storyline and the characters who appeared in it. But because the end was so clearly signalled at the beginning there wasn't enough incentive to read on. It was a little to predictable and the pace too even. I would have liked more twists, more surprises, more spanners in the works, more to indicate that things might just be in danger of not turning out the way I expected. As the book stands I don't feel that it if offers enough commercial opportunity for a mainstream publisher. It's a near miss rather than an absolute certainty. Sharpened and tightened and with a few more variations of pace the book could well make the grade.

Well, I sat back and tried to absorb the report of six single spaced pages of criticism. It all seemed too much at that point. A few ideas rattled around in my brain but her parting comments were. Put the work aside and work on something else then come back to it. So I put my heart and soul in to A Cornish House and left August Rock aside. Well, almost as there were a few issues raised that led me to Caroline Upcher. That I will tell you about later.

I want to go back to Lucy's book above because as I read Anyway Way You want Me I could clearly see what my reader had been talking about. Lucy lead me and my emotions on a merry ride that kept going off in unexpected and some times expected routes. However when the expected happened the next event threw me into doubt again. I found my emotions engaged even though some of the things Sadie was up to were frankly repulsive to me yet I loved her and wanted her to make it through. That is what I need to achieve with August Rock. I don't just want a pleasant read. I want emotions engaged.

Now, you are thinking this post will never end! I have been tagged several times over for a few things but mostly for eight random things about me. I've been tagged on this by Jess, Lisa, Cally and Rachel

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

So here are my eight random things...

1. Having just read Jess's latest post about the best romantic smooches on http://www.ecataromance.com/home_page reminded me that I won the best kiss in my dorm in university. We all puckered up with red lipstick and kissed the wall. My 'perfect' pout won!

2. I am an optimist - the glass is half full and preferable filled with good wine

3. I am a closet country music fan

4. I embarrass my children as frequently as I can just because it's one of the best things about being a mum of teenagers ( I still can't believe I'm old enough to have teenagers)

5. I am still 28 years old it's just that my body doesn't know it

6. I am an only child and therefore wanted to have six children that is until I gave birth to my first one!

7. I love reading Green Eggs and Ham aloud to children

8. I love being a writer!

I won't tag anyone else at the moment as I think most people have been tagged but if you haven't jump on board and let me know!

Novel Racer - Nichola

Well, when I started the Novel Racers profiles back at the end of April with Jane Henry, I didn't how much fun it would be. I have enjoyed each and every profile and loved seeing a slightly different side of each racer than they show on their own blogs. With Nichola's profile today we will have seen at little bit more of seventeen of our racers. Unfortunately this is it for the moment as the other racers are clearly shy. Here is Nichola, http://thesoupisgettingcold.blogspot.com/:

"I learned to read when I was about two so my bookwormery started early. My gran used to put newspapers and books in front of me, some the right way up, some upside down, to see if I knew which was which, and apparently I always gave her a funny look when she presented the newspaper the wrong way up! She said it was just a silly game but as I grew older, I started devouring books. It’s an addiction I’ve never kicked.

I’ve written stories since the age of about six or seven, never wanted to do anything else with my life. Mrs Perry, one of my primary school teachers, read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe to us during story-time and I was intrigued; I nagged my mum to take me to the library for a copy of the book so I could read ahead. The day I realised stories could have that effect on people was a watershed – and when I realised people actually pay for stories; you can write books and make money from it, I was amazed (and excited).

It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I completed my first ‘proper, grown-up’ novel though – 150,000 words of sheer rubbish. My friend Alistair said at the time, “How many people can even say they’ve written a book?” but it’ll never be published, at least in its current incarnation – it breaks every writing rule in the book (if you’ll pardon my pun).

While I was at college a few years ago, one of my assignments was to write the first chapter of a novel and my tutor encouraged me to finish it as she was fascinated by the main character – that one chapter eventually grew into Bird of Prey for which I’m now seeking representation and while I wait to see what happens there, I’m working on something else.

When I’m not writing, I read a lot of course – at the last count I owned just over 450 books so I’m always entertained. I have my own two-bedroom flat, which is just as well, with all the bookcases I need!"

Now yesterday I left you with me and Sol Stein's miraculous book Solutions for Writers. I read the book with high lighter in hand kept thinging OMG that is what I have been doing wrong. The I set to work and before Sol Stein August Rock was almost 91,000 words and by then of the edit it was 87,000 (this subsequently went back up to 89,000 when I worked with some plot issues).



Yesterday I left you with the gift that Lucie had handed me, Sol Stein's Solutions For Writiers. So first I will give you a one sentence demonstration of what this edit did for my writing:

(pre SS) A bee landed on the map. Judith watched its big fat body loaded with pollen try to set off again to find something that was more like a flower than the road map she held. Its wings eventually gained enough momentum to take off in search of greener locations.

(post SS) A bee landed on the map. Judith watched its fat body loaded with pollen try to set off to find something more like a flower. Its wings eventually gained enough momentum to take off in search of greener locations.

The difference is obvious. The sentence is stronger. The image more powerful and it flows. The reader soesn't become lost in a mess of words.

Now the prologue which you have read before is currently staying the same as my last rewrite but to show you the SS cutting I'll post both here for comparision and you can let me know which you think is better!

The first version:

Judith sat on the damp sand watching the incoming tide lap over her pale feet with their bright red toenails. Those red toenails fought so fiercely with the brilliant white lace of her wedding gown yet the tears in her eyes caused it all to blur to pink. She didn’t like pink. Not that anyone cared that she didn’t like the colour. The church was filled with pink flowers. Pink lilies to be precise and the scent of which still filled her nostrils despite the brisk sea breeze coming with the tide.

As she stood in the doorway of the church, all she could see was various shades of pink. Flowers andribbons adorned every pew. The altar was barely visible for all the massed blooms in every shade of the wretched colour; particularly pale pink. Little girls spinning around her knees were covered in pink dresses with pink stinking lilies clutched in their fists.

The heat of the early June afternoon intensified the cloying scent of the lilies to almost overwhelming levels as the soprano above in the choir loft hit the high notes on some hymn she couldn’t remember. Amidst all the pink covering the altar, stood her fiancé, John, in morning coat with a pink waistcoat which beautifully matched the fluffy pink dresses of the flower girls circling her.

Even her maid of honour was covered head to toe in pink with more lilies and carnations clasped in her hands. In her own hands, she held a decadent bouquet of more lilies, carnations, roses and other pink flowers which reached the floor in their cascade. She saw her hands tremble and sweat so much that she almost dropped the entire candyfloss mess on the tile floor.

The salty water of the Gulf Stream took the stiffness out of the lace by her toes so that it
collapsed on her legs. Now she felt at peace with the damn dress; limp, wet, and shapeless like her. A seagull dive bombed in front of her forcing her to wipe her wet eyes so that she could see if he was successful. He was and despite herself she smiled. At least someone got what they wanted.

Now for the latest version:

Judith sat watching the incoming tide lap over her red toenails and wet the brilliant white lace of her wedding gown. Tears caused it all to blur to pink. She didn’t like pink. Not that anyone cared that she didn’t like the colour. The church was filled with pink flowers. Hundreds of lilies to be precise and their scent still filled her nostrils despite the brisk breeze coming in with the tide.

An hour ago she stood in the doorway of the church; all she could see were various shades of pink. Flowers and ribbons adorned every pew. The altar was barely visible for all the massed blooms in every shade of the wretched colour; particularly pale pink. Her fiancé, John, stood among them; tall, blond, perfect yet even he had not escaped the colour with a waistcoat matching the flower girls spinning around her knees clothed in pink dresses with pink stinking lilies clutched in their fists.

The heat of the early June afternoon intensified the cloying scent of the lilies to overwhelming levels, as the soprano in the choir loft hit high notes on some hymn she couldn’t remember. In her hands, she held a decadent bunch of lilies, carnations, roses and other pink flowers which reached the floor in their cascade. She saw her hands tremble and sweat so much that she dropped the candyfloss mess on the floor.

The salty water of the Gulf Stream took the stiffness out of the lace so that it collapsed on her legs. Now she felt at peace with the damn dress; wet and shapeless. A seagull dive-bombed in front of her forcing her to wipe her eyes so that she could see if he was successful. He was and she smiled. At least someone got what they wanted.

The first version has 360 words and the second 299.

Now the current revision is coming on well, dare I say it. Iam enjoying it obviously madness has hit. I never dreamed I say that. I listened to Michelle Styles,
http://michellestyles.blogspot.com/, but I could never understand it. (BTW way she is blogging about why she finds McKee's Story so useful to her writing - it's well worth a look). Now I do. First with each revision I see the script becoming stronger and hence can see the benefit of the slog. Two, I now have a better understanding of what I need to be doing. So this current rewrite I am focusing on plot......

That's all I'll say for now other that if you have time pop of to Therese Fowler's blog, http://theresefowler.blogspot.com/, for a great insight into who does the story belong to? Pertanent to me for A Cornish House.

Novel Racer - Caroline Smailes

Now most of was have been In Search of Adam impatiently waiting until publication date on the 15th June 2007, but poor Novel Racer Caroline, http://insearchofadam.blogspot.com/, has been tearing her hair out. However with all the pre-publication stress she has managed to come up trumps on her profile:



"I’ve always written (diaries, stories and poems), but I never had the confidence to do anything about my dream to be published. I was quite precious about my work when I was younger. Then as I became an adult I still wanted to write, but my life seemed to be circling around being a mum and an academic. I guess that I began to take my writing seriously when I started my MA in Creative Writing in September 2005.

I finished the final draft of In Search of Adam during a holiday in France in August 2006. I had no idea what to do next. My husband designed a website for me and I put on extracts from the novel. I felt that I needed something more interactive and a friend suggested that I started a blog. I launched the blog and the website on August 20th 2006.

I had been blogging for about three weeks and had left a comment on another blog about a book called 'e-luv' by Dave Roberts. He was a Friday Project author. Clare Christian came to my blog and then to my website from my comment on e-luv. She emailed to say she’d read the extract from my novel and wanted to read the full manuscript. It was a Saturday night. On the Sunday morning I emailed the full manuscript to her and by the Monday evening she had offered me a contract. Since then I have had an eight month roller coaster ride with a number of highs along the way. In Search of Adam will be launched in hardback in three weeks time.

As part of the Novel Race I am writing a novel, Black Boxes, which is a story in two parts - box one and box two. It is based on the idea of the black boxes that are extracted from a plane wreck. The reader is to unravel the story to find the cause of the 'crash.' The voices are of a mother and a daughter, focusing on sounds and lost words, but there is an added visual twist thrown in. It's another dark novel and I really hope that it’ll be finished as a second draft by the time ISoA comes out. But part of me is holding back and full of fear as to how ISoA will be received.

I still can’t believe that all of this has happened. I followed a dream when I started my MA and last week I held my novel for the first time. That is a feeling that will stay with me. I dread waking from this dream."








Now as my saga goes on my huge debt to the Romantic Novelist Association will become clear. At their summer party last year in the beautiful library at the Society of Mechanical Engineers on Birdcage Walk. It was a brilliant evening but extra special since my friend Fiona Harper won the New Writers' Award for her first book, Blind Date Marriage. I was so excited it was almost like I had won. So in celebratory mood I drank a touch too much. Soon the crowd had thinned down and I was able to find the food. It was reaching for something to sop up the alcohol that I met the lovely Lucie Whitehouse, then of Darley Anderson. We started chatting and to be honest it was the alcohol talking. We spoke of love lives- hers that is and other ramblings of the alcoholically infused and then she asked me what I wrote. I mumbled about Cornwall and the Helford River. She loves the area and asked me to send it to her. I floated out of the building with Biddy Coady to a pub. Finally when that closed on us she pored me into a taxi home. The next morning with large head I composed a simple cover letter and posted her the 19 pages and synopsis.


Now, I didn't expect an immediate response and I needed to send the whole manuscript off to the New Writers' Scheme of the RNA. I went off to the conference in Penrin quite buoyant. The first to come back was the report from the New Writers' Scheme. My heart sank. When the letter begins, " I enjoyed reading August Rock, Elizabeth. There is much that is good here." I thought, "Oh, shit this had gone to an agent and an editor and it's utter crap." I then took a step back and looked at the good points and the many bad points and consoled myself it wasn't a write off. The reader ended with this:


"In short, Elizabeth, I did think that August Rock showed great promise. What I feel you need to do is have a rethink about a) your characters and b) the main thread of Tristan and Judith's story (especially Tristan's) Bring the romance up to date and avoid cliches..........It's a feat in itself to write a novel of this length and as I said, there is a lot here that is good. Toby's story is excellent - very touching and convincing. If you can achieve the same with Tristan and Judith, you'll have have a very strong story on your hands."

So having read and digested all the bits. I knew my writing style was heavy. I was telling not showing yet I didn't know what to do about it. It's a phrase that is bandied about all the time but I thought having had that criticism for the script the before, First Love Second Chance, I had learnt my lesson. Clearly I hadn't.

Now I didn't want to hear from Lucie. It was the end of August and not a word. I just knew it was such crap that she couldn't be bothered to respond and would avoid me like the plague at all future RNA functions. I knew I was still too close to August Rock to begin a rewrite plus I didn't know where to begin. However the seeds for A Cornish House were growing daily.

I was in Cornwall when the letter arrived in London. Bravely, I think I asked the dh to open it and read it to me. I was shaking waiting for dire words. Her delay had nothing to do with my crap writing but her own success at the same. Her first book, The House at Midnight was coming out in Germany. (It comes out here in January 2008)

So here' what she had to say.......

....plot is i think is very strong indeed...........a strong heroine, a damaged man, tragic deaths, a mystery, a supernatural element.......in short, I think the plot is just right. (my comment here - this is off 19 pages and the synopsis)

Now for the bad........

....your writing is over explanatory and damages the pace and your ability to keep the reader's interest................(Here she took one sentence as I had written it and showed me how to make it stronger - light bulb moment) There are several idea repeated here and they make the writing feel very flat.

Then she pointed me to the direction to fix my writing style.....Sol Steins' Solutions for Writers and as a bonus said if I did a substantial rewrite she would be happy to look at it again!

I was straight to Amazon and was heart broken when it would a month before I could get this book in my hands. In the interim I mind mapped A Cornish House. When it arrived I was glued to it and fired up. Finally I could see what the reader had spoken of and what Lucie meant. I went on to slash and burn my way through August Rock which was brilliant fun!

Tomorrow I will tell you how it went and some examples of of it improved my work.