Links, Editing and Temptation

My editing is progressing slowly, which might not be a bad thing. However I think this is due to the fact that I loathe hard work. I am trying to look at my work objectively and logically (not a strong point of mine). I am making index cards for each scene stating what it achieves - who is in it and so on. This for me is not the fun part of writing and I wonder if I will ever do this for another book. In some ways I hope not. I want to learn these lessons on this one so that I can continue to keep the magic and the fun in the writing but I know I may not be that lucky.

I have stumbled on to some very good links this week. One came from Michelle Styles. She has provided me with many a light bulb in this writing journey of mine. She links to this article by Alexander Chee. I have printed it off and used a highlighter to bring the multiple valuable points out. The one that resonated the most for me was this:

"Very quickly, she identified what she called ‘bizarre grammatical structures’ inside my writing. From the things Annie circled in my drafts, it was clear one answer to my problem really was, in a sense, Maine. From my mom’s family, I’d gotten the gift for the telling detail—Your Uncle Charles is so cheap he wouldn’t buy himself two hamburgers if he was hungry—but also a voice cluttered by the passive voice in common use in that of that part of the world—I was writing to ask if you were interested—a way of speaking that blunted all aggression, all direct inquiry, and certainly, all description. The degraded syntax of the Scottish settlers forced to Maine by their British lords, using indirect speech as they went and then after they stayed. And then there was the museum of clichés in my unconscious.

I felt like a child from a lost colony of Scotland who’d taught himself English by watching Gene Kelly films.
The passive voice in particular was a crisis. “Was” only told you that something existed—this was not enough. "

Now take the Maine out and put Massachusetts in and the same with Scottish and Irish.....I have tripped up all my writing life with a natural syntax that leans heavily on the passive and until I read this article never knew, other than that the Irish use it, why.

Nathan Bransford held a competition recently on opening paragraphs which was amazing. In this post he sums up why he chose the finalists. His insight with the examples on why excellent openers didn't make it to the top ten is brilliant for 'seeing' things that as writers we often hear in criticism. Here is a snippet of the post and do read it and the paragraphs as it is eye opening:

"I don't have any set preferences when it comes to structure and approach. frohock left a great comment that sums up my feeling about first paragraphs almost entirely. Essentially, I think the first paragraph has three important functions: it establishes the tone/voice, it gets the reader into the flow of the book, and it establishes trust between the author and reader.

The concept of flow and rhythm is especially important. It's hard to begin reading a book. The reader is starting with a blank slate and doesn't have much context for understanding what is happening. It takes a lot of brain power to read the opening and begin to feel comfortable in the world of that book. So even if the novel starts with action, or especially if it begins with action, it's very important to draw in the reader methodically, with one thought leading to the next. The flow of the words and a steady building goes a long way toward hooking the reader. Quite a few paragraphs jumped around or felt scattered, and it made it difficult to stay engaged.And on the trust issue: I shy away from anything that feels like a gimmick. A novel is simply too long for gimmicks. Not only do they get exhausting, anything that is clever merely for the sake of being clever comes at the expense of trust between author and reader. To put it another way: if a first paragraph is how an author makes their first impression, using a gimmick in the opener is kind of like going to shake the reader's hand while wearing a hand buzzer. There might be a quick thrill, but they're probably not going to trust you after that. There was a feeling of forced cleverness in many of the entries where I wasn't able to lose myself in the paragraph and forget the hand of the author who was writing it. "

This one from Jane Friedman at Writers Digest is self explanatory.

And the last for today is from Michael Hyatt's blog on 'What It Takes To Become a Master Writer' by guest blogger Mary DeMuth. Hard to read but I think true for most of us.

And finally that brings me to the temptation...as I mentioned above I am struggling with the editing (which to me means I need to knuckle down and just get on with it) so I am sorely tempted by NaNoMo. I have Pilgrimage lurking in my head. I want to do the research and I would love to knock out something that in truth would be nothing more that 50,000 word outline. Oh, the call of the fresh and new....

Is anyone doing NaNoMo this year? For me it would be a bit impractical as I will be doing a bit of travel again....................

Stuck Point

Penderrown has been moving fairly well but yesterday I hit one of the points where I started looking on ebay, reading blogs, tweeting.......finally closed the computer coerced dd into trying some gardening. After trying to keep her on task for more than five minutes I gave in to the sun and plonked onto the sun lounger with the current read - Nicholas Sparks True Believer.

Now I woke at five this morning determined to achieve at least 1000 words today. It is now 9:15 and I have written 72 and deleted 20. I am still at that impasse. Demi has an issue and a developing relationship is going to force her to face this. You see she can't lie very well,doesn't want to lie, and can't quite get the words out of her mouth - and the relationship is compelling her into it. I have set the scene - romantic cliff top picnic and boom - stop dead.

Why? Well,I suddenly wondered is this time to force her into this corner? Is it the right in the story or for her? Does it fit with the other events taking place? Is this just too soon for the reveal? Does it work with the bloody time line i set up (won't actually knwo this until go back and reread - confession here - I have forgotten some of the stuff I have written)? If I make her face all this now what is left?

So I turned to blog land again - just hoping for something that might trigger something - well anything to be truthful. Low and behold Michelle Styles came up trumps again:

I went and picked up McKee again. He makes the point that character and structure are interdependent on each other. You are designing events to reveal character and so it is a matter of personal choice whether you choose to work on the structure or the character but character and character change cannot be expressed except through the events in the story and the characters' reaction to that story. True character is the choices that people make when under pressure and the pressure can only happen from events that require characters to take bigger and bigger risks.

Her words gave me another way to look at it which far more sense to my addled brain. Michelle frequently posts on 'craft' and almost always she hits the nail on the head for me.

And another link which totally justifies my lounging in the garden yesterday. Relax from Anita Burgh

Conflict

As I mentioned before I am deep into edits of A Cornish House. I have reworked the first fifty pages heavily slashing them by twelve pages. In doing this I was aiming to improve pace. I think I am about half way there. However as I do I was browsing blogs and yet again Michelle Styles hit me over the head in her post here - (couldn't get it to link directly but it's the 29/3/08 post). However it was Michele's answer in the comments that has been thwacking me over the head:

"...unless a character is forced to chose, she can not have a conflict. Conflict comes in choice. Sometimes, goals/purposes change."

So in my head I have been really thinking about what choices has Madde been making. Have I thrown enough at her? The answer to that is no and certainly not enough in the first fifty pages. Not enough is at risk yet. Have pity on the poor woman as I don't know what I am going to do to her yet!

Rewrite

I keep telling myself that rewriting shouldn't be hard. The words are there after all so all I have to do is look at them critically! I also keep wondering why this is taking me so long - dread, fear, procrastenation?????

I do know that I'm learning though. As I work through this rewrite of A Cornish House I can see things I never saw before - and the bonus is I know how to fix them now. So why is it taking me so long? I think it is too much other stuff in my life at the moment and fear. I do think I really feel I could mess this one up badly because the story has so much potential that I may let it and me down.

I also find I'm working differently now. Currently I print off twenty pages and read through for typos and repetition (to be sure to be sure) and just the general feel of the story. Once that is complete I print off again and read the work aloud. I hate doing this but what a difference it makes. Awkward sentences jump out at me and require fixing. This is very different from my past working methods. I used to do much more work on the screen and work with long pieces of the script. I think I like this method but we'll see.

What I'm not yet doing which is what I fear most is fixing the plot holes and dramtically changing the story. I haven't really dealt with ACH is months so I need to reaquaint myself with my character and remind myself what i wanted to acheive. It's hard sometimes to realize that I have written 94,000 words and may not have aceived what I wanted to or may have to change the whole thing. So after this rewrite I will have 94,000 well written words that don't tell the story I want them too! Help!

This week there have been some great things on blogs. Directly related to what I have been working with this week is here here on Michelle Styles blog. She talks about how it's fine to tell and not show in your first draft and then how to convert it in your second. I particularlly love RUE (Resisit the Urge to Explain). I think I may need that branded on my forehead.

As a follows on from C.S. Harris's post here here which talks about how a writer writes about the body's reactions to danger ( love her words Cardiopulmonary Reality) Steve Malley goes through the way a body reacts to danger - here. It's a great reference.

Finally there is a fantastic debate/discussion on two blogs that is well worth a read on two accounts - one it's content on the relative merits of catagory romance which begins from the male pov as he reviews one he's been challenged to read here and continues on the author's (Julie Cohen) blog here and two as it shows how how brilliantly the blogging world can work for enlightening and thoughtful discussion.

So much news has happened in the last few days.....all of the good kind. Julia Williams (first time round Novel Racer Jane Henry) is launching her first book here . Go celebrate!!!

My dh has finally updated his web site with more photos! He's really the creative one in the family. His site is here http://www.fotofenwick.com/ .

On the home front I can report the tree is up, the lights are up, the pudding is made, the cake is made, the pressies are wrapped and I have just discovered I am not cooking Christmas dinner this year!!!!

Oh and while I was fighting my way through Asda for more Christmas lights I fell upon the books shelves and found a little pressie for moi - Michelle Styles' A Christmas Wedding Wager (it's part of a two book collection Christmas by Candlelight). I cursed Michelle as she kept me awake last night........my eyes finally gave in but I was only half way through. Now as I have done most of my tasks maybe today i can sit by the fire and read????

My big bonus of the week aside from having two more family members in the house is I'm having coffee with fellow Novel Racer Flowerpot on Friday!!!!

Cat Heaven

I've returned from Cornwall having left the big fat white cat in his heaven - beware all small rodents.

So with six hundred or so miles under my belt I am looking at so much to do before the packers arrive Monday. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but come mid-day tomorrow I am bound for the Romantic Novelist Association Conference and I can't wait. However I don't return until Monday morning and by then the packers will have begun deconstructing my life as I know it. Although I hate the moving process I have to confess to loving the challenge of another new 'house' to make into a home. This time it will be for a longer period. In the past I have done this for as little as three months and the longest being three years.

Now this week there are some wonderful things out on the Internet for writers. Michelle Styles is hosting a workshop on eharlequin on Goal, Motivation and Conflict. Well worth a look even if you aren't writing romance.

Also thanks to Zinnia for the link on the Novel Racers' Blog to Troubled Diva which talks about Bloggers and book deals. Well worth a read. Of course our own Caroline Smailes is one of these speacial people!

Right now off to pack for the weekend and summer!

Novel Racer - Nichola

Well, when I started the Novel Racers profiles back at the end of April with Jane Henry, I didn't how much fun it would be. I have enjoyed each and every profile and loved seeing a slightly different side of each racer than they show on their own blogs. With Nichola's profile today we will have seen at little bit more of seventeen of our racers. Unfortunately this is it for the moment as the other racers are clearly shy. Here is Nichola, http://thesoupisgettingcold.blogspot.com/:

"I learned to read when I was about two so my bookwormery started early. My gran used to put newspapers and books in front of me, some the right way up, some upside down, to see if I knew which was which, and apparently I always gave her a funny look when she presented the newspaper the wrong way up! She said it was just a silly game but as I grew older, I started devouring books. It’s an addiction I’ve never kicked.

I’ve written stories since the age of about six or seven, never wanted to do anything else with my life. Mrs Perry, one of my primary school teachers, read The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe to us during story-time and I was intrigued; I nagged my mum to take me to the library for a copy of the book so I could read ahead. The day I realised stories could have that effect on people was a watershed – and when I realised people actually pay for stories; you can write books and make money from it, I was amazed (and excited).

It wasn’t until I was eighteen that I completed my first ‘proper, grown-up’ novel though – 150,000 words of sheer rubbish. My friend Alistair said at the time, “How many people can even say they’ve written a book?” but it’ll never be published, at least in its current incarnation – it breaks every writing rule in the book (if you’ll pardon my pun).

While I was at college a few years ago, one of my assignments was to write the first chapter of a novel and my tutor encouraged me to finish it as she was fascinated by the main character – that one chapter eventually grew into Bird of Prey for which I’m now seeking representation and while I wait to see what happens there, I’m working on something else.

When I’m not writing, I read a lot of course – at the last count I owned just over 450 books so I’m always entertained. I have my own two-bedroom flat, which is just as well, with all the bookcases I need!"

Now yesterday I left you with me and Sol Stein's miraculous book Solutions for Writers. I read the book with high lighter in hand kept thinging OMG that is what I have been doing wrong. The I set to work and before Sol Stein August Rock was almost 91,000 words and by then of the edit it was 87,000 (this subsequently went back up to 89,000 when I worked with some plot issues).



Yesterday I left you with the gift that Lucie had handed me, Sol Stein's Solutions For Writiers. So first I will give you a one sentence demonstration of what this edit did for my writing:

(pre SS) A bee landed on the map. Judith watched its big fat body loaded with pollen try to set off again to find something that was more like a flower than the road map she held. Its wings eventually gained enough momentum to take off in search of greener locations.

(post SS) A bee landed on the map. Judith watched its fat body loaded with pollen try to set off to find something more like a flower. Its wings eventually gained enough momentum to take off in search of greener locations.

The difference is obvious. The sentence is stronger. The image more powerful and it flows. The reader soesn't become lost in a mess of words.

Now the prologue which you have read before is currently staying the same as my last rewrite but to show you the SS cutting I'll post both here for comparision and you can let me know which you think is better!

The first version:

Judith sat on the damp sand watching the incoming tide lap over her pale feet with their bright red toenails. Those red toenails fought so fiercely with the brilliant white lace of her wedding gown yet the tears in her eyes caused it all to blur to pink. She didn’t like pink. Not that anyone cared that she didn’t like the colour. The church was filled with pink flowers. Pink lilies to be precise and the scent of which still filled her nostrils despite the brisk sea breeze coming with the tide.

As she stood in the doorway of the church, all she could see was various shades of pink. Flowers andribbons adorned every pew. The altar was barely visible for all the massed blooms in every shade of the wretched colour; particularly pale pink. Little girls spinning around her knees were covered in pink dresses with pink stinking lilies clutched in their fists.

The heat of the early June afternoon intensified the cloying scent of the lilies to almost overwhelming levels as the soprano above in the choir loft hit the high notes on some hymn she couldn’t remember. Amidst all the pink covering the altar, stood her fiancé, John, in morning coat with a pink waistcoat which beautifully matched the fluffy pink dresses of the flower girls circling her.

Even her maid of honour was covered head to toe in pink with more lilies and carnations clasped in her hands. In her own hands, she held a decadent bouquet of more lilies, carnations, roses and other pink flowers which reached the floor in their cascade. She saw her hands tremble and sweat so much that she almost dropped the entire candyfloss mess on the tile floor.

The salty water of the Gulf Stream took the stiffness out of the lace by her toes so that it
collapsed on her legs. Now she felt at peace with the damn dress; limp, wet, and shapeless like her. A seagull dive bombed in front of her forcing her to wipe her wet eyes so that she could see if he was successful. He was and despite herself she smiled. At least someone got what they wanted.

Now for the latest version:

Judith sat watching the incoming tide lap over her red toenails and wet the brilliant white lace of her wedding gown. Tears caused it all to blur to pink. She didn’t like pink. Not that anyone cared that she didn’t like the colour. The church was filled with pink flowers. Hundreds of lilies to be precise and their scent still filled her nostrils despite the brisk breeze coming in with the tide.

An hour ago she stood in the doorway of the church; all she could see were various shades of pink. Flowers and ribbons adorned every pew. The altar was barely visible for all the massed blooms in every shade of the wretched colour; particularly pale pink. Her fiancé, John, stood among them; tall, blond, perfect yet even he had not escaped the colour with a waistcoat matching the flower girls spinning around her knees clothed in pink dresses with pink stinking lilies clutched in their fists.

The heat of the early June afternoon intensified the cloying scent of the lilies to overwhelming levels, as the soprano in the choir loft hit high notes on some hymn she couldn’t remember. In her hands, she held a decadent bunch of lilies, carnations, roses and other pink flowers which reached the floor in their cascade. She saw her hands tremble and sweat so much that she dropped the candyfloss mess on the floor.

The salty water of the Gulf Stream took the stiffness out of the lace so that it collapsed on her legs. Now she felt at peace with the damn dress; wet and shapeless. A seagull dive-bombed in front of her forcing her to wipe her eyes so that she could see if he was successful. He was and she smiled. At least someone got what they wanted.

The first version has 360 words and the second 299.

Now the current revision is coming on well, dare I say it. Iam enjoying it obviously madness has hit. I never dreamed I say that. I listened to Michelle Styles,
http://michellestyles.blogspot.com/, but I could never understand it. (BTW way she is blogging about why she finds McKee's Story so useful to her writing - it's well worth a look). Now I do. First with each revision I see the script becoming stronger and hence can see the benefit of the slog. Two, I now have a better understanding of what I need to be doing. So this current rewrite I am focusing on plot......

That's all I'll say for now other that if you have time pop of to Therese Fowler's blog, http://theresefowler.blogspot.com/, for a great insight into who does the story belong to? Pertanent to me for A Cornish House.