tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post6352250988285895485..comments2023-07-06T11:50:15.086+01:00Comments on Just Keep Writing and Other Thoughts...: Over at the Novel RacersAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02744937536946299450noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-80647835470786266182009-08-19T23:27:49.009+01:002009-08-19T23:27:49.009+01:00Oh, I would definitely want to read on, and I woul...Oh, I would definitely want to read on, and I would have expected it to be a Gothic sort of novel, or at least a novel with a dark element.Alyssa Goodnighthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12563271888054706202noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-38582707064233155182009-08-13T09:53:40.315+01:002009-08-13T09:53:40.315+01:00Oh, and yeah, I totally believe the first paragrap...Oh, and yeah, I totally believe the first paragraph should reflect the overall tone of the book. As should the first page, first chapter and first 50 pages. And the cover. <br /><br />Especially the cover.<br /><br />Of course, the *whole* book should reflect the same tone, but we all know how flabby middles get, don't we? ;)Steve Malleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17561234111786788616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-9806575222701341202009-08-13T09:50:43.642+01:002009-08-13T09:50:43.642+01:00My own feeble two cents: I'd put Maddy's t...My own feeble two cents: I'd put Maddy's tightened chest in first-sentence place. Then give us the sense impressions and return to her rapidly beating heart. <br /><br />But yes, I'd totally read on. While mentally rearranging and rephrasing sentences. It's a nasty habit, and I catch myself doing it with Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Koontz and King, Kinsella and Keyes. Can't seem to help m'self...Steve Malleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17561234111786788616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-41293126806766729812009-08-05T17:28:07.455+01:002009-08-05T17:28:07.455+01:00Yes, I really, really want to read on, sounds like...Yes, I really, really want to read on, sounds like a thriller. I agree with Karen's edit, though not sure about her last sentence. You could just end the para at 'Maddie's chest tightened.' and save the breathing for later (am sure she's going to need lots of deep breathing.)<br />Main thing is that we stay with Maddie and her feelings. <br />Everyone loves to edit, but the only person's views that matter are your eventual real editor. I should press on and not worry too much. If you agonise about every last word it may lose something.Susie Verekerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15231577537523515291noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-58475274183081247252009-07-31T20:56:40.949+01:002009-07-31T20:56:40.949+01:00Sounds fab Liz, and I'd definitely want to rea...Sounds fab Liz, and I'd definitely want to read on, but I'd tighten it further to read :<br /><br /><i>The car coughed to a halt down the dark lane, then lurched as the trailer pushed it forward. The headlights' beam picked out the twisted trees ahead, their shapes merging with the hedges to form a tunnel which seemed to enclose the car. <br /> Maddie’s chest tightened. She forced her breathing to slow, but her heart was still beating too fast.</i><br /><br />Or words to that effect :o)Karenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05986874444030474719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-2020554248752311662009-07-31T20:13:31.219+01:002009-07-31T20:13:31.219+01:00Lori - you aren't far off. Maybe tomorrow or t...Lori - you aren't far off. Maybe tomorrow or the next I'll put up the blurb...<br /><br />Thanks Fia<br /><br />LWM - thanks. This book is written and currently being mostly tweeked with a few more chapters and scene developing the a ket relationship...<br /><br />Helen thanks<br /><br />DOT, as always I love a man's pov. It's totally brilliant as you look at things in such a different and very valid way. I will revisit it with your insight and let you know :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02744937536946299450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-81384284370269734092009-07-31T19:09:15.148+01:002009-07-31T19:09:15.148+01:00Postscript: the engine could seize which would cau...Postscript: the engine could seize which would cause the car to suddenly halt and so result in the trailer bumping into it - it would also imply terminal engine trouble. <br /><br />Just a thought.DOThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00719312854612984929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-27939479004243595842009-07-31T19:00:04.604+01:002009-07-31T19:00:04.604+01:00Hang on to your hat, Liz, my comments are critical...Hang on to your hat, Liz, my comments are critical, so big gap and you can ignore:<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Too much detail which is inaccurate and so destroys the mood.<br /><br />A car coughing to a halt would slide to a halt - the trailer would only push into it following sudden braking.<br /><br />Headlights on a moonless night would illuminate from the front so the trees could not be silhouetted - that implies shapes illuminated from behind.<br /><br />Right choice of words and I will be with the others in terms of recognising the situation and feeling the tension.DOThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00719312854612984929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-40130180321918943462009-07-31T18:34:33.671+01:002009-07-31T18:34:33.671+01:00I found it very atmospheric and evocative. Would ...I found it very atmospheric and evocative. Would definitely want to read on as you've set up questions that need answers.HelenMWaltershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16182100572365505905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-38256492338362869762009-07-31T17:10:41.134+01:002009-07-31T17:10:41.134+01:00MORE!!!!! Feels just like Cornwall. Without the t...MORE!!!!! Feels just like Cornwall. Without the title I would have guessed it to be there. Come on, keep writing!Ladybird World Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04410236464722005178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-45838751598821371862009-07-31T14:21:03.269+01:002009-07-31T14:21:03.269+01:00That's exactly what it's like driving down...That's exactly what it's like driving down the cornish lanes at night. <br /> <br />As Lori x says, it raises lots of questions.Fiona Mackenzie. Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03669889070557241716noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34330113.post-32859300405106760732009-07-31T14:13:54.971+01:002009-07-31T14:13:54.971+01:00I would definitely want to read on, I'd want t...I would definitely want to read on, I'd want to know why Maddie is out in the middle of the night, possibly in the middle of nowhere and why is she frightened? Is it just being alone at night (is she alone?) or is there another reason for it? Plenty of questions raised with that paragraph.<br /><br />I don't know what kind of book I would deduce it to be from the first para but combined with the title (and I'm assuming it falls somewhere within the romance genre) I'd say maybe one with another historical story alongside the modern one. One with parallels between this heroine and snd a historical character from the cornish house. Of course I'm probably really really wrong!!Lorixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06670131430773133958noreply@blogger.com